One thing I’ve come to learn
is that for those living with mental health conditions, isolation can be just
as debilitating as the disorder itself. The idea of being alone is hard enough
for anyone to deal with but when you combine that with a mental health
challenge then the problem is magnified.
I’ve experienced this. I
recall coming home from the hospital after my first manic episode. My old high
school friends were far and few between. It took time to re-establish those
connections. Much of this was due to my own sense of low self-esteem and
misunderstanding of what I was going through. The other part was a result of
the lack of understanding my friends had. I think they just didn’t know what to
say or how to react seeing me as debilitated as I was.
But with time things did
improve. One friend, Doug, took the opportunity to connect with me whenever he
came home from college. In retrospect, I believe he too didn’t know quite what
to make of my circumstance but this didn’t deter him from reaching out. But I’m
truly grateful for his companionship. We still remain friends today.
“Greater love has no one than this,
that someone lay down his life for his friends”
John 15:13
The Bible
During the course of my
active addiction I did develop some friendships, however the vast majority were
based around the mutual desire to find and use substances. The result was
multiple bipolar relapses and subsequent hospitalizations.
“A good friend is a tower of strength;
to find one is a treasure”
Apocrypha: Ben Sira
The Torah
This all changed when I got
into my addiction recovery program. It was here that I began to develop healthy
relationships. It was so refreshing to be with people with whom I could truly
be myself. All those years prior I was always trying to be someone else to just
fit in. I had found people who accepted me just as I was. With this acceptance
also came trust. I was able to open up and become vulnerable and know that I
was still safe. My circle of friends has grown over the years. I would describe
it metaphorically like rings. I have my inner circle and then from there
different levels of friendships; intimate, social, work-related and yes, even
Facebook. But it is the totality of these friendships that gives me the
greatest sense of security and satisfaction. Despite all of the ups and downs
of bipolar disorder and addiction I’ve endured, I have been fortunate to have
friends to support me.
"The genuine friend, who is affected with the joys and sorrows
of another,
is a medicinal cordial, the sanctuary of the heart,
the delight of the eyes, and worthy of confidence."
Hindu Proverb
I do know, however that
many people living with mental health conditions are not as fortunate. For some
individuals, this has come as a result not of their own choosing. They may have
lost family and friends due to these individuals’ unwillingness to accept the
person’s condition, whether it be the behaviors they produce or simply a lack
of knowledge and understanding of what the person is going through. What it all
comes down to is empathy; the unspoken language of care and compassion. If more
people practiced empathy I think our world would be a much kinder place.
Imam
Hassan (as) Says:
"Befriend
people in the same manner
you
would like them to befriend you."
The Holy Quran
Currently I work for two
organizations, the Mental Health Association of Erie County, which provides a
number of services to assist members of the local community with obtaining
services as well as providing specific programs to address the needs of those
living with mental health concerns.
The other agency is
Compeer. Compeer is a mentoring organization that has been in existence for
over 40 years. There are Compeer programs in the U.S., Canada, and Australia. It’s
an evidence-based program, meaning that it has the research to back up its
efficacy. We serve youth, adults, older adults and the local veterans
community. It is a very simple concept: volunteers spend one hour per week with
their Compeer friend. This small, but profound gesture has helped literally
thousands of people over the years to have a better quality of life. Research
has shown that those who are served in our program are less likely to require
higher levels of care, like emergency room visits and inpatient hospital stays.
I have a Compeer friend
with whom I’ve been connected with since May of last year. We’ve done all kinds
of things together such as going to Buffalo Bisons games, visiting the local
waterfront in the summer, and even hanging out at my house watching comedy
movies like Blazing Saddles. These activities are mutually beneficial in that
they help my friend to be more socially connected and I get the reward of
knowing that I too have a new friend with whom I can share these kinds of
special experiences.
I also recently became a
mentor for two students at Erie Community College. This opportunity is allowing
me to share my experience, strength and hope with these young people to help
shape their future. This is a profoundly humbling experience, especially taking
into consideration where I was at at their age; mentally unstable and addicted.
“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor
alike;
each has their suffering. Some suffer too
much, others too little.”
Buddha
You see, friendship is
universal. Whether you believe in a Higher Power or not, you can benefit by
offering a hand in friendship to someone in need. There all kinds of mentoring
programs in the U.S. as well as throughout the world. All it takes is just a
little bit of your time. The benefits are immense.
If you’d like to learn
more about the Compeer program click here.
Be well!
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