
If you
read my recent blog post, Song for My Father, then you will have an idea of how
beneficial it was for me to have his support when I was in the throes of my
active Bipolar Disorder condition. I consider myself very fortunate to have
someone who was so willing to help me when I was unable to help myself. My
mother was supportive in her own way. She was the textbook example of “tough
love.” She didn’t stand for any crap,
But as
I said, I was fortunate. Some families experience a great deal of dysfunction
due to their loved one’s mental illness and/or addiction. It’s been known to
tear some families apart. Sometimes the affected person’s actions are so
unpredictable, and even at times dangerous, that family members have no choice
but to set strong boundaries about what is expected from the person.
In
both my professional career and personal interactions with people who are
successful in their recovery, one thing is clear. The more supportive the
family the better. This is not to say that things are always as smooth a glass;
in fact this often is not the case. However, in the long run, if family members
are accepting and willing to help then there may be a better outcome.
One of
the keys to family understanding and support is education. Psychoeducation can
be extremely valuable when it comes to learning why the family’s loved one is
undergoing such a difficult experience. There are any number of programs and
supports for families. My primary go to is NAMI (National Alliance on MentalI Illness). NAMI is one of the United States oldest grass roots advocacy
organizations. Comprised primarily of families of those living with mental
health disorders as well as peers, NAMI provides many services including an
educational program (Family-to-Family and In Our Own Voice), support groups, as
well as a number of online resources and programs such as NAMI Faithnet and
NAMI on Campus NAMI’s online information is all supported by research and vetted by mental
health professionals. There is a TON of information that can be of use to
anyone who may want a good introduction to mental health.
Another
great resource is Mental Health America, another U.S.-based advocacy organization.
The MHA has information on local affiliates that have a variety of support
groups, including those for families. There’s also a resource page that
provides information on a variety of mental health supports.
Over the
years I’ve had conversations with family members of a person struggling with a
mental health disorder or addiction that are at their wits end about what to do
to help their loved one. And to be truthful, there have been times when the best
I could do was to listen. Sometimes just having a place to vent without being
judged can be helpful. So often families too suffer in silence. The stigma
associated with mental illness and addiction can be crushing to the point where
the fear of disclosure suppresses any desire to seek help. But this cannot be a
barrier to seeking help. For instance, joining a support group can go a long
way to help ease the burden of caring for someone who is struggling by hearing from
others who have had similar experiences.
In the
end, my personal belief is that we must exhaust all possible resources before
we decide to withdraw care from our loved one. You just never know when s/he
may turn the corner, whether it be by finding the proper combination of
medications or is connected with an effective therapist. Also, for young
people, sometimes it is a matter of maturity and acceptance of their condition
to help with the realization that there is hope.
This
was certainly the case for me.
So if
your loved one is struggling, remember that no one asks to be born with a mental
health challenge or addiction disorder. For the vast majority, they want relief
from their condition just as much as you do.
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