When I experienced my first
manic episode, and for many years thereafter, my life was directed by others.
Whether it be my parents, therapists, or psychiatrists, many of the decisions made about my care were dictated by what others thought would be in my best
interest. This kind of influence was like a double-edged sword. On the one
hand, there were truly times that I was incapable of making any decisions on my
own due to the fact that I was incapacitated by my disabling condition. On the
other, there were certainly periods where I was completely capable of deciding
what I wanted, for better or for worse.
For instance, when I was a patient at the
Buffalo Psychiatric Center in 1982, I was experiencing a major depressive
episode that was associated with my bipolar disorder. At this time, I was recommended
for ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy).
Electroconvulsive
therapy (ECT) is a medical treatment most commonly used in patients with
severe major depression or bipolar disorder that has not responded to other
treatments.
I
recall not initially wanting to have the treatment however I was made to do so.
Remarkably, this treatment did work for me and there was a
marked improvement in my condition. So, in the end, despite not making the
ultimate decision about my care, I did benefit from the recommendation from my
treatment team.
Many years later I was faced
with a different choice. I was in session with my psychiatrist and I asked to
discontinue one of the psychotropic
meds. This was my choice. What my psychiatrist didn’t realize in my 15-minute
session was that I was hypomanic.
At this point, she agreed to stop prescribing the medication, and lo and behold
within two weeks I was in the midst of a full-blown manic
episode. This was not a good choice on my behalf.
This last
manic episode was in 1995 and I have not experienced one since. More recently
in 2012 I underwent a medication change with my mood stabilizer.
I ended up experiencing a mild depressive episode, not one that was completely
incapacitating, but it did make typical activities more challenging. At this point,
I consulted with my therapist who recommended that I check-in with my
psychiatrist, which I did. He immediately placed me on an anti-depressant and
within a couple of weeks I was doing much better. The point of the matter here
is that I initiated the conversation with my therapist. I was in charge. These
have been hard lessons to learn, but they were a wake-up call about the
importance of adherence to my treatment plan as well as being my own self-advocate.
The concept of
self-determination comes into the picture when one considers the many choices
that those of us living mental health difficulties face every day. By being
able to participate fully in one’s recovery through such means as seeking
employment, housing, and utilization of external supports, there is a
significant degree of empowerment that accompanies our ability to advocate for
ourselves. And with this sense of freedom we are able to change the course of our lives.
When I’m able
to take control of my life in such a manner, my sense of identity,
self-awareness, and self-esteem all improve. Yes, there are many external
factors in my life that I am unable to control, however I do have certain
freedoms that make life that much better.
Self-determination
is much more about choosing one’s direction in life than just following a
treatment plan. I make hundreds of choices every day, some more critical than
others. But in the end, since I am the one who is able to exercise a certain
level of control in my life, I have come to the realization that I do not have
to become someone who is pigeon-holed into so-called categories. Yes, I may
have a bipolar diagnosis, but I am much more than that. When I able to break
free from the limitations that are placed on me by society I can live my life
more fully and intentionally. I made the conscious decision many years ago not
to be a square block forced into a circular hole. I am the master of my
destiny.
image -PIRO4D - pixabay.com
Mental health, self-determination, and personal freedom are clearly aviation thesis topics. This thesis gives a thorough examination of these subjects and their significance in aviation. The author did an outstanding job researching and drafting this thesis.
ReplyDelete