(note - the names of the individuals in this story have been changed to protect their privacy)
It was Thanksgiving Eve 1984. I was in the midst of a full-blown manic episode – delusions and everything. I had walked to my friends Joanne and Frank's place in the Elmwood Village in Buffalo. When I arrived my then my then girlfriend Laurie was there. I asked if I could take Joanne and Frank’s pet Doberman Sally out for a walk (I actually don’t recall if I asked for permission). It was mid-afternoon.
It was Thanksgiving Eve 1984. I was in the midst of a full-blown manic episode – delusions and everything. I had walked to my friends Joanne and Frank's place in the Elmwood Village in Buffalo. When I arrived my then my then girlfriend Laurie was there. I asked if I could take Joanne and Frank’s pet Doberman Sally out for a walk (I actually don’t recall if I asked for permission). It was mid-afternoon.
From there I walked with Sally to North Buffalo, up and
down the side streets, all the while thinking that she and I were communicating
telepathically (did I say I was delusional?). The air was crisp and clear; the
sky sunny and cloudless. I was having a great time.
We then went on to Buffalo’s Delaware Park where foolishly I
proceeded to let Sensi off her leash. Mind you, I had been around Sally enough
to be able to give her commands that she would obey (not telepathically
however). This still didn’t convince the guy who saw her loose and screamed at
me. In retrospect I suppose if I saw a loose Doberman I’d scream too.
It eventually became dark, and sometime around 7 pm we made
our way back to and Tony’s apartment. When I knocked on the door Joanne answered and was so relieved that we had made it back. I remember that Sally was so tired that she immediately crashed on the floor. The Buffalo Sabres game
was on TV.
Nancy left and I went to my bedroom. Sleep did not come
easy as my mania was in full gear. I don’t even know if I slept at all.
Eventually at around sunbreak I decided I would walk to Toronto to the on-air
studios of CFNY-FM (The Spirit of Radio). I had it my mind that I would show up
there and see if I could get a job. At the time I was a Broadcasting major at
Buffalo State College. I loved radio. So I laced up my shoes, put on my coat
and started on my way.
But something happened after I started my trek. I quickly
changed my mind and decided to walk to my friends Hank and Freda’s house. They
lived about 4 miles away in North Buffalo. Record albums in hand I made my way there.
When I arrived it had to be around 8 am; early enough that Hank and Freda were
still asleep but their son Kenny was up and let me into the house. I proceeded
to make my way to the living room but would not speak. I was under the delusion
that I could not communicate my plan. Kenny had an early version of a video game
that was basically designed to simulate shooting down things of some sort. So I
sat down and set out to save the free world from international invaders.
Eventually Hank and Freda arose and came downstairs. I
still wouldn’t speak. Now, they both knew my history so they knew something was
up. But they let me stay there even until their Thanksgiving meal which was,
interestingly enough, lasagna. They had invited a friend who I’m sure was
wondering, “What the hell is going on with this guy?”
Now comes the fun part. After dinner Hank called my Dad who
came over and they both proceeded to take me to Buffalo Psychiatric Center
where I had been hospitalized twice before. When we arrived we were greeted by
a security officer. This is where divine intervention steps in. For whatever
reason, that I will never know, I was not allowed to be admitted there. So they
then took me to the Buffalo General Hospital Community Mental Health Center where I
was admitted to the inpatient psychiatric unit.
While this experience was 32 years ago, I remember so much
of it vividly. It’s like it was yesterday. I find it fascinating how some
events or our lives can be so easily remembered whereas others can be hidden
away for an eternity. One thing I do know that despite my flight of fancy I
believe that my Higher Power was looking out for my wellbeing. So many things
could have gone wrong. I could have lost Sallyi. I could have tried to make it
to the Peace Bridge only to be held by Customs Officials. I could have been
admitted to BPC where my fate would have been incredibly worse than it had been
at Buffalo General. I also could have been shunned by Joanne, Frank, Hank and Freda. Somehow they found it in their hearts to help me when I really needed
it.
This story brings tears to my eyes when I realize that over
the course of my life so many things have happened that cannot be explained
through conventional wisdom. So many so-called twists of fate or “coincidences”
that defy description. I’ve chosen to believe that the God of my understanding
helped me through these times in order to do what I do today.
Therefore, in this season of Thanksgiving, I have to
express my sincere gratitude to all those who have served as guideposts on my
journey. You do not know how much it means to me.
Be well.
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